I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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