what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize