Apparently you make a good broom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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