OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
