I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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