i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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