wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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