take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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