just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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