She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
