its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
17 year olds will be the death of me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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