I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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