i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize