You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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