u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i barfeds in our rink
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize