Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
