I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
