i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I didn't notice because vodka
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
