Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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