really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
