You can't motorboat a personality
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
