i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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