i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
