Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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