I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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