I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
