maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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