It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
