I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
