i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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