you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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