Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
