....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Found your dick twin last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
