I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
