Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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