drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
