Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
