i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My life is pants optional.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
