They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
