There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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