This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
