I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
