I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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