Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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