You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
