clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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