And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize