if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
