Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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