I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
