Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a search helicopter?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
