dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
