I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
