Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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