It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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