She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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