my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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