mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
