I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And then he peed in my hair
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
