If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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