She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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