Duck Duck Cougar?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
