I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
