we have officially lost it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
