SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
