I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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