We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
