i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
