There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
